Be no one, but yourself

No more resolutions

2009-12-28T22:03:00.003+08:00

Today, i discovered something inpsiring from a video that a friend posted on FB. I learnt that the happiest person on earth doesn't have the best of everything, they make the best of everything.

So i thought to myself: if i make the best of everything, then there would be no expectations. I've live with expectations for most of my life. It's really tiring and painful.

I don't know why I have this sudden urge inside to discover possibilities in the coming year. It's like an upheaval of emotion. There's this rush of energy inside that led me to think that nothing is impossible. It's weird and i've never felt this kind of feeling before in my entire 26 years of life.

Maybe it's because i didn't want to set any resolution and didn't plan for anything to happen next year. Or maybe because every part of me has finally got it that it's time to let go and surrender to what is. I don't really know what's the cause of all this. But i have a feeling that it'll be a great year.

I feel like there's nothing more to do but to give it all i've got and to give it unconditionally. To live life because i deserve it. To love unconditionally because that's what love is. To laugh because my heart is so light that it could fly. To be kinder to people because they're human too.

It's crazy yet profoundly simple, sincere, and most of all pure and clear. I guess what my friend said was right, "Just be passionate in everything you do and people will see your inner beauty." And what Munera said was right too, "Just don't go looking for love, just enjoy life, do whatever you like and it'll automatically come to you." I know this for a fact, because it's happening to her :)

So to anyone who's reading this, i'm not asking you to chuck your resolutions away. But have a look at it. Are they really the things that you want, or is there something more that's worthwhile for you? Something larger than life that you've always wanted to do but was too afraid to do? Or were there too many considerations? Sometimes it could be as simple as choosing to pay more attention to your breaths. Because when you're aware of yourself and feeling calmer, it's easier to achieve anything you want.

Think about it. Don't list down resolutions just because everyone else is doing it. Do it for you. Not because you want to fit into the new year.

Something to think about...

2009-12-05T01:37:00.002+08:00

The purpose of life is not to get your desires. It is to become something more than you are and to give your true gifts.

-Tony Robbins-

Perfect Wedding???

2009-12-05T01:15:00.003+08:00

I just came back from a wedding dinner. My friend, Chriz, got married to Trent today. It was one of the classiest wedding dinners i've ever attended. Gosh, they were such a cute couple. I wish them all the best in life and hope they'll have a wonderful journey together.

As the groom was talking about how he met Chriz, I thought to myself, could it be that easy? But then again, it's possible, because that's how soulmates find each other, i think.

I'm just amazed at how busy all couples would be when they prepare for their big day. I mean, wouldn't it be easy if the function was something more intimate and small. That'd be more meaningful. Like Chriz's wedding.

A few weeks ago, i attended another friend's wedding and my God, the crowd was huge. There were at least 1000 people in the hall. I was shocked.

Seriously, weddings can be scary and meaningful at the same time.

I've always imagined my wedding to be more fun and relaxing. Not like the usual boring sit-down function, but something that's more free and easy. I don't think that a person's love should be declared in an extravagant way. I believe that it should be something deeper than that. As long as my soulmate and I understand and feel the love for each other, no perfect wedding in the world can represent the love we have. It's a soul-to-soul bond. Not in words or fancy wedding rings.

I think somewhere out there, there is someone who would understand what i mean :)

Believe

2009-11-29T23:00:00.003+08:00

I was having a good, long weekend until i got really bored from doing nothing. Well i thought this would be a good way for me to relax and get all energised for my busy week ahead.

I spent my nights watching TV and coincidentally, Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium and Kung Fu Panda was on, both on the same time but different day. Both stories were about believing in one's self. I'm the kind of person who believes in signs and of course i believe in the thing called everything-happens-for-a-reason.

I felt bored because there was nothing exciting. But i think it was more than that. I really felt that nothing significant is really happening in my life right now. I felt empty for a moment. And it feels like shit. One moment, i felt like travelling the world and the next, i felt that my life is totally empty. I'm not sure if this feeling is a turning point for me, but it sure feels like it.

So i sat down and thought about it for awhile. It could mean nothing, or was it a random feeling? I'm not really sure about all of this. But what's for sure is the drive and the need for me to feel alive - to love, to play, to wander around, to jump, to dance, etc (those things that would excite every single ounce of being in me).

Maybe if i would just believe that i have it or i'll encounter it soon enough, it'll actually happen. I don't know when, but i have a feeling it's gonna be soon. Maybe it starts with someone i'll meet. Or maybe it'll start with me. Either way, it's gonna be an awesome way to end the year with.

The amazing thing is, my instinct is telling me not to resist this, no matter what. It's gonna be an awesome ride, maybe one that'll be the ride of my life. A ride that i'll share with the people i love.

Goodnite world and don't stop believing :)

Munera. How i love and adore the way she looks at life.

2009-11-27T21:23:00.002+08:00

Just the other day, me and Munera had dinner together at a restaurant near my workplace. She had just came back from UK. And i have a feeling that the guy whom she has been talking about would ask her to marry her. I'm really happy for her. For once, she has finally found someone that would love her more than she would love a person.

Of course, she was in her 'sabo' mode. I made sure that she wasn't going into her 'sabo' direction. For the first time, i experienced her to be truly happy and somewhat demure in her ways. She was not exactly smitten by this relationship of hers, it was more a practical one which we all wish to have only because it would be the kind of a union between two souls that would last forever.

I was as thrilled as she can be. Just a couple of hours before we had dinner, she has posted something on FB and she claimed that she had loved enough. And i still think she has loved enough. Now she will be loved and she will continue to receive love just how she has loved all her life. And there's this piece of advice that she gave on that night we spoke, she told me to not look for love because it'll come. And i believe so :)

I would like to give the same piece of advice too, only mine would be simpler - Enjoy life, live it to the fullest with passion. And you'll eventually find that someone you've been looking for - that perfect soulmate.

Good nite world, see ya tmrw :D

An inspiring weekend

2009-11-23T20:47:00.002+08:00

It's been a long time since i blogged. Well no thanks to the workload and maybe those addictive games on Facebook.

But thankfully, my weekend was a really inspiring one, though it's tiring and exhausting. I was a facilitator for Shine. It's a training to empower the next generation of advertising professionals.

They walked into the training room thinking they've got it all figured out. But after 3 days of experiential exercises, they came out as if they were reborn into this world again. I'm really proud of them. They're such a loving bunch. And i love them. They inspire me to facilitate more training in the future.

As soon as the training ends, we headed back to KL. It was a good night for me. I felt rejuvenated mentally, spiritually and physically. It was a good reminder for me that no matter what happens, life isn't so bad. I just gotta enjoy my life, be positive and everything will fall into place.

I'm really thankful for all that i have and experienced in life up until now :)

Things are slowly getting alright

2009-11-01T22:34:00.002+08:00

It's been awhile since i felt a really bad day or a totally moody day ever since my break up and the news about my dad's court case. I have a feeling i've learnt to look forward to a better future and and much better life.

I seriously think i've learnt to make every moment in my life more meaningful. There have been times when everything would crumble and i'd just talk to piglet before i go to sleep at night. And everything would be alright the next morning. Well, not exactly alright, but at least i felt better. And it meant a lot to me :)

I have one advice for everyone out there feeling like shit - If you start to smile at every problem, it'll smile back at you. That way, you don't have to start poking anyone's eye out ;)

Goodnite world :) I have so much to do next week, I can't wait for the week to end.

A good Friday & Saturday

2009-10-31T21:25:00.003+08:00

Went for Kancils yesterday and I was thrilled that my work was in the finalist for poster category, the hardest category to win. Too bad i didn't get a merit or a bronze for it. Otherwise it'd be a hell of a good year for me. But at least me any my art director tried our best. We'll try again next year, and of course harder.

It was a good afternoon today. Had brunch with my college friends and we went to the Science Centre for the Da Vinci exhibition. Even though we had to look at the replica of the Monalisa painting, it was still a good experience. His work is just amazing.

Right after Science Centre, we headed straight for coffee at Alexis, BSC. Again it was a good chat over coffee. We laughed the afternoon away :)

I believe something good will always come your way if you just think of good thoughts and just go with the flow. I thank God for giving me so much strength after what i've gone through for the past few months, and also the past few year.

Happy weekend everybody !!!

And life goes on...

2009-10-17T15:55:00.002+08:00

Been away from this blog for too long. I guess it was work and the company trip that took out most of my time in these few weeks.

The company trip was great though we had a few unwanted characters who marred some of the experience in Mulu & Miri, Sarawak. The stay at the longhouse in Long Terawan with the Berawan tribe was humbling. Helping the people there to build the playground was a experience i'll not forget. The people there were so humble and their hospitality was amazing. They were such a kind bunch. The kids were a bright bunch too. And the Ngajat dance always amazes me. I wonder how would Hari Gawai look like with all those elaborate costumes and age old dances.

It was nice to be back at the caves in Mulu again this year. Only this time, there were 32 of us. It took forever to explore those caves. The line got too long and some were walking too slow. Some took too many pictures and ended up holding up the line. It got irritating for awhile, but thank god we were a crazy and funny group. We laughed too much and i think the tour guide was annoyed :)

Though i came back with quite a few insect bites from the longhouse, i would definitely go back to Sarawak again. This time, i'm going to conquer the pinnacles in Mount Mulu.

But now, back to more work and my own 'adventure' in KL.

I'm thankful for being there in Mulu, twice this year :)

...

2009-09-26T20:39:00.002+08:00

Today was just wrong...i don't know why but i woke up with that feeling.

I hope tmrw will be a better day.

And it starts with a letter...

2009-09-24T23:34:00.004+08:00

As I lay my car keys on my table, i saw a resignation letter. I guessed as much that it was my dad's. He asked me to check it for grammar mistakes. So i read it and did some amendments. As i was checking it, i began to feel uneasy. Now that my dad is resigning 6 months before his retirement, I'm not sure what will happen to our financial security. Mom is not working, my brother has just finished his degree and is currently unemployed. That leaves me, the only employed person in the family. The house is still under mortgage and my salary is nowhere near enough to cover all the household expenses. My dad shouldn't have taken all those loans to finance that fucking bitch's lifestyle.

I do hope my dad has all the plans laid out right this time. He's been telling us about how he's having problems with office politics and that his court hearing is not due until next March. Now that he's no longer with that bitch, i think he should be able to concentrate better. He's thinking to run his own company and i do hope that he gets clients fast. I think i should just put our differences aside and get cracking on finding ways to pay all the bills by the end of every month.

I foresee a tough ride ahead but as long as i keep my head above the water, i think i should be alright. Right now i should really just concentrate on my career and get a pay raise fast so i can get a move on.

I'm not sure if this is a blessing in disguise but in trying times like these, this is where i'll know how much i'll be stretching myself. I hope i don't stretch myself too thin.

Work was just...well, bland

2009-09-23T23:31:00.003+08:00

I thought it'd be great going back to work today. Turns out, i was wrong. I had so much to catch up...emails were piling up and the best part, my boss is still on leave :D

I shared my experience of Spikes in Singapore with a few of my colleagues. They didn't seem inspired at all. Well i guess the workload is just too much. I completely understand it. At least it was enough to spark some initiative, i hope.

And I was thinking about stuff again. How nice it is to go home feeling happy and satisfied. Then i told myself to snap out of it and just concentrate on making myself happy. That's the least i could do.

Motivated myself to read spiritual stuff online and some writings on happiness. I must say, those writings helped me feel better. Despite the distraction I got from my ex today. I guess it's about forgetting what has happened to you and just look forward to more happiness in life :)

Until then, I'm just gonna read more of Lao Tzu's writings on The Tao. And think of more happy thoughts before i hit the sack :)

Goodnite world. See you tmrw!!!

The Week That Was Filled With Life

2009-09-22T00:56:00.004+08:00

I wouldn't know what to expect when I went to Singapore for the Spikes. Though I know for sure that I'll have loads of knowledge and inspiration to last me a lifetime during that 4 days. And also sharing the same room with my beloved life teacher and friend, Janet Lee. She's one of a kind. And annoyingly chirpy in the morning (i'm not a morning person).

The speakers were great, some bore good works with them, some had an amazing way of presenting their thoughts and vision. Sir Ken Robinson was amazing. His views and analytics on creativity and the human capacity to create, blew me away completely. Droga's work was awesome, but his presentation kept my eyelids heavy. Maybe I had too much of an expectation from his talk. Neil French is just classic. Loved the way he argued about women and he's right. I'm not offended at all.

We went to Uniqlo on the second day. I was happy that Kentaru Katsube delivered a talk on Uniqlo. That was enough to persuade Janet and my art director, Erman to go with me. I was afraid they wouldn't want to. Then we went to Muji...i was enthralled. I was beyond...i dunno...words failed me at that point. So we shopped like mad. Well, basically Janet shopped like mad.

All the community service works in the Spikes were totally great. Especially the one on India's literacy campaign - Teach India. It was bloody inspiring and moving at the same time. They managed to recruit over 10,000 volunteers. And i find that rather remarkable. It was totally contagious. And the best part was, there was nothing fancy about the idea. It was all pure human emotion and involvement.

The late night talks I had with Janet was nice. We often talked until 1 am. I miss talking to her. She gets me and I appreciate her for that. Not everyone understands or feel with me on the things i needed to say.

So we headed back on Friday. I miss our little adventure in Singapore.

And on Sunday, I went to my friend's place to hangout with more friends. We had this planned like a few days before. It was nice hanging out with them again. Evonne, PK and his wife, Kay and her girlfriend, we had lunch and headed back to Evonne's. We played gimrammi and mahjong. I lost some money...$@%$##%%$%! But it was ok, it was just a fun thing anyway. Then we went out for dinner. Only Kay and her girlfriend stayed for dinner. So the four of us had nice porky din din in Puchong. It was soooo good.

I decided to watch DVD with Evonne after my high school friends cancelled the yum cha session at Coffee Bean. So i bought District 9. Evonne's DVD player was messed up, and both of us were technicians for like 1 hour or so. Then we gave up. So we chatted until 1am. Talking about work, her business, relationships, and our futures. I'm glad we talked about things like that. Otherwise I wouldn't know when i'll start talking about it to unburden myself.

Overall, it was a great week. I was thankful to have such a wonderful week and such wonderful friends. It was tiring but inspiring and fulfilling. I was just happy, purely happy. Something which i have not felt in a long time.

Ups and downs

2009-09-14T00:16:00.002+08:00

It has been a good week. Not too busy, but not to boring either. Just nice.

Had some ups and downs lately, but nothing too big that i can't handle. Of course my family issue is always going up and down, but it's not that bad. My dad just broke up with his girlfriend. I do hope that this time it's for real.

I texted my dad the other day. And i think it was one of those sms-es that i would never compose. It was so straight forward and i hope he really get what i'm trying to say. It's just so not me to text such a thing like that. But i have a feeling he must've felt thankful that i still care about him even though he put us through so much shit in the past.

I hope my dad is not so stupid to quit his job now.

On the other hand, i really need to get a raise. I think the agency is taking alot of deserving staff for granted. It's high time they reconsider those who just sit around and do nothing but complain all day. But then again, i'm not the boss and i think i need to prepare my portfolio and think of leaving to another agency. Perhaps one that justifies my salary.

On a personal note, i think i'm just tired of feeling the void these days. I think i'm just gonna enjoy my life and achieve my goals. Like what Munera says, "Fill the void with YOU and GOD." I think she is damn right. I'm gonna do just that and let life take its course. I'm just gonna go with the flow. I guess there's no accident when i happened to create recycling art the other day and happened to read an issue of Female magazine. The topic was on Celebrate Singles. All those women were highly successful and happy with where they are and they did mention that getting into a right relationship will just happen when you enjoy yourself. I think she's right. Can't remember her name though. But she has a real good point.

So yup that's it.

I'm going to Media Spikes this Tuesday and hoping to fill my brain and soul with lots of knowledge, inspiration and creativity. And have more inspiration to spruce up my portfolio and get a raise.

Goodnite world!

Let's live another day and fight the good battle in life.

Again a little thankfulness helps

2009-09-03T23:48:00.002+08:00

Today, I was rushing for some work. The day started quite well and things started to stir towards the evening. As I was worried about a certain deadline, my supplier helped me a fair bit and I got it settled before 12am today. That was my goal anyway, to settle it before 12am. I was imagining in my head that I've gotten the task done and about to email the weblink to my production head. And when I got home to continue this impossible deadline, my supplier texted and said that the link is up. I was thrilled.

Then I was analysing and taking myself through the course of the day. At one point today, just before I came into the office, I was saying thanks. I dunno why for, but I just did. And I think it must be something about saying thanks to God for letting me handle my emotional war rather well in the past few days.

I was so thankful that I said thanks.

Well it doesn't hurt to say it again then. Thanks for letting me go through this hectic day well. And I'm thankful I have good help around. Thank you god, thank you universe.

It's ok, not too bad

2009-08-30T23:33:00.002+08:00

Sometimes when you think your life is just not that interesting or if it's just mundane, you just have to turn it around and give it another thought.

I thought I'm gonna have a mundane three-day weekend, even if it's with my colleagues turned friends. It turns out, I had fun. So I thanked god for giving me such feeling.

Life's not so bad after all. Even if you don't have someone to call your own, life still moves on. And sometimes it's good to spend some time with yourself. Sure it's nice to have someone, I guess it's the space that everyone needs.

I'm not gonna complain to myself this time for being single, I think I should enjoy being single while I still have the time. Whatever it is, I'm sure god has it all planned out.

I guess things happen for a reason for a specific time. It's just the great big scheme of things that we'll never understand.

Whatever happens, I guess we should all just have fun. Life's too short too sit around feeling angry and pathetic.

..............

2009-08-19T01:05:00.002+08:00

Life partner, where art thou? Kinda miss those long phone calls into the night. And also knowing someone else cares and loves you at the end of the other line. Hmmm...i think my time will come.

Believe

2009-08-19T00:42:00.002+08:00

I got a great news today from mom that we found a buyer for our apartment. At least we'll have enough money to last until my dad's hearing next year. And we have enough money to buy my brother a car when he goes to work. And i hope he finds a good job. My mom's really happy today.

And what's weird was I prayed the whole of last week just before i go to sleep about getting a buyer for the apartment. I guess i grew tired of mom complaining that we couldn't find a buyer and how my dad shouldn't have bought the apartment in the first place. So i prayed that everything will be alright. And today, the great news came from one phone call from my mom.

Then i was thinking about having a strong belief about getting the things i want in life, having to achieve things that i really want to achieve.

And i really feel that it's possible. After all Rumi once said, Use your heart to touch the skies.

Live the day without expectations

2009-08-16T01:02:00.002+08:00

I woke up today not knowing what will happen. And I woke up not knowing how my day will end. All I knew is that I had some research to do with a colleague. So we met at Mid Valley and we ended up at Starbucks.

We got a lot of things done in 6 hours. We had lunch, I bought some stuff for my Mac, she checked out some stuff for her new place, and we got our SCM deck 80% done. It was a rather productive day. Then I came back and had dinner with my mom. We bumped into our neighbour and we chatted for a while.

I was glad that I had a good, productive day. It wasn't planned, well perhaps the only planned thing was the meet at Midvalley. The rest was just made up as we go along.

I've known people who actually planned their day. And some actually plan their weekend. And sometimes they forget that the whole idea is to enjoy the day no matter what. And it's hard to time yourself when you're having fun.

Since when fun comes with time?

Why are people so afraid of displaying their emotions?

2009-08-12T00:35:00.002+08:00

I had a briefing session today with the suits and my team mates. We were briefed for a raya campaign. And of course, the message revolves around forgiveness.

And the Malays were sharing with the other non-Malay team mates about how they would ask for forgiveness on the first day of raya. And they were saying that they would hide their emotions when asking for forgiveness from their parents.

Some of them recalled trying so damn hard to think about something else i.e. Beer, talking cock, single malt, etc just so they don't well up with tears and cry a river.

Then I was thinking to myself, why bother hiding the emotion when you're already feeling it? Isn't it a contradiction to one's self?

It's only human to feel. Otherwise we'll just be nothing more of a highly evolved primate. If animals can feel, why can't we?

There comes a time when we just need to shut our brains out and just be human.

...

2009-07-26T00:43:00.002+08:00

I was trying to finish some work today but i find it hard to do so. I was feeling a bit tired and i didn't have the mood to be inspired. So i spent my afternoon in bed...hahaha...fucking lazy bitch. But seriously, i needed to sleep really badly.

I'm still coughing like hell. No thanks to the haze. Sometimes i feel like taking my lungs out and soak it in hot water.

Oh and my mom took me to her gym this morning. She told me that i've put on weight and told me to watch out for extra body fat. Geez. So her friend at her gym measured my height, told me to stand on this rather funny looking scale. And i've never seen a scale that could measure your body fats without any straps strapped onto any part of the body. I was amazed at how the machine could determine the body fat around my arms, torso, abdomen and all. My arms has to be leaner and my overall body fat overshot by 3%. My current weight is 53.3kg. I think i need to go down to 50kg on the safer side. But my visceral was good. Thank god.

So that's why today i decided to go for a run despite the cough. Man it was not easy running with a cough. I couldn't run after the 2nd km. It was so damn hard. So i stopped and did sit ups instead. Then i head home to carry some weights. This time i had to concentrate more on my triceps. Just to get more fats out of the way.

I still feel that void somehow but it's not that bad anymore. Thanks to Munera too for telling me that i have to do it for myself now. No one else matters more than me. She told me that she had learnt it the hard way and that she didnt want me to go thru the same thing. She's 43 now and she told me not to regret things later in my life. It's not worth it, she said.

I guess she's right. I have to learn to do things for myself. I have to live life for me.

Thanks to Oprah too and her spiritual teacher, author of the book, Broken Open. She mentioned that life is all about instincts. And i can safely say that i've lost touch with my instincts for a long time now. I need to get it back and feel it more often to point me to the right direction whenever i'm stuck.

Goodnite world.

Malaysia lost her 2nd legend

2009-07-26T00:12:00.004+08:00

Why is it that the most inspiring people in the world have to leave so soon?

As i'm writing this, Yasmin Ahmad, a national legend, advertising's most influential figure, had passed away.

She has shown us what being a Malaysian is all about. She made the ordinary extraordinary. And most of all she showed us that being passionate is what life is all about. The world has lost one truly amazing woman and i'm certain God is welcoming an extraordinary child into His arms.

Though we may not see your great works in the future, but your acts of kindness and free spirited soul will definitely guide us.

I was inspired by your work and your enthusiasm for life. I'll make sure i live life with passion, compassion and love. Just like how you did when we saw you.

We love you, Kak Yasmin.

Questions that can never be answered

2009-07-23T22:24:00.003+08:00

Last time i used to think a lot about the universe. I'd spend most of my nights thinking what is beyond our galaxy. Is there another universe? Is there more than one big bang? Or how long will the earth live? I mean, everything has a lifespan. Nothing lasts forever. So what's really next?

At that time i was only in 13 years old. And the questions kept coming until i was 17. Then it stopped.

Now, after college and a few years of working experience, i have a different set of questions altogether.

I think this time, the questions are a bit more close to a person's soul.

Like what makes us happy? Or are we really happy when most of the time we're actually not.

Sometimes, i'd ask, can we really find a life partner or your true love mate? Most of the time, a relationship ends up stale and suddenly he or she is suddenly a friend you can always count on.

How come children are always the most important and the best gift in a marriage? Why not the love between two person that gave birth to that marriage?

Why women are more emotional than men? And why men just don't know when to show their feminine side when necessary?

Why do people think that success is about the things, money, power and the image that you must have? Why can't it be the enriching soul that's the first step to success?

What makes a person complete? What makes the soul peaceful?

How do you fill the void in your life?

Are we beings that cannot be satisfied by what the universe has to offer?

Sometimes i wonder, is it only me who has these questions?

Or should i just stop asking questions like these and just live life?

Void

2009-07-12T21:42:00.002+08:00

Hmmm...should i even be feeling it if it's there? How do you make it go away? Lost in contemplation...hahahaha...

Oh faithful life partner, where art thou?

The weekend

2009-07-12T01:36:00.002+08:00

It's sad that we have short weekends. It should be longer. We should have a 3-day weekend instead.

I realise i spend my weekends doing chores for my family and sometimes for myself. And i hardly have any time for myself. And when i have that time, i'd end up sleeping or resting. Which just means i don't have time to pamper myself with shopping activities or just reading a good book while i sip on a red glass of red.

You know when you have 5 really packed and impossibly hectic days in the office, all you want is to enjoy your 2-day weekend.

I just wish i can have a really relaxing weekend next week. Been dreaming of a nice weekend. One that doesn't require me to plan my time. Coz i'm so sick of planning during the weekdays.

Weekend just for sleeping

2009-07-05T18:40:00.002+08:00

I had a terrible headache when i woke up yesterday. The world felt like it was spinning. I thought i didnt have breakfast so i ate something light for breakfast. And the spinning didn't go away.

Then i suspected it was vertigo. So i went to see the doctor and true enough it was a vertigo, a mild one. And while i was a the clinic, i got an earful from the doctor too. She's been my family doctor for more than 10 years now. And my mom was happy that i got an earful from her (-_-)

And the rest of the day i just rested at home. Didn't jog, didn't go out. I feel weird a bit fat now because of not jogging.

I think i'll jog like hell next week.

A productive day

2009-07-02T23:36:00.002+08:00

Well, for one, i managed to finish my copy before 5pm. Now i'm just waiting for my Jr AD to finish the layout and mock-up then i can go home. I also finished my long copy which i plan to submit for Kancils and hopefully we can sell it to the client. I really want to do a good long copy ad this year. It would be a good piece of work in my portfolio.

Got some ideas lined up for the awards and i'm planning to join the Young Spikes this year. It's gonna be in Sept and seriously there's some stupid info about the entry deadline.

I guess i'll check it tmrw and ask my boss about entering this competition.

All's good and well...going to get ready to head home now. Right after we're done for the visuals for tmrw's presentation.

Today was good, too

2009-07-02T00:31:00.003+08:00

Though lunch was yucky, the company was great. Made a lot of jokes and we laughed like hell.

Work was piling up as the day ended. Which means more stuff to do tomorrow and a longer day ahead.

Gonna finish watching CSI and drink some milk so i can sleep like a baby.

Goodnite world!

It's been a good Tuesday

2009-06-30T22:46:00.003+08:00

Everything went well today, though with some lines left uncracked. It was all good and chirpy.

Managed to write some lines for an ad. And I brought my laptop to work. I really feel it's better that i get a change of work environment, instead of just sitting in front of a desktop all day long. It gets kinda boring somehow. On the plus side, I don't have to look at people walking in front of me all day long. It gets really distracting somehow.

I had nice 'lok lok' for dinner today. Though the parking in SS2 is impossible, we made it somehow. Thanks to Ally for recommending the place. And finally, I got my mangosteens. Now I can sleep soundly. But before that I need to watch CSI.

Good nite world :)

A 'Full' Sunday

2009-06-28T22:58:00.002+08:00

Had a bit too much of food today and I feel kinda weight-guilty :(

I ate half a roast duck and some roast pork with Dani boy, my colleague, today. The roast duck was succulent...oh my god...i haven't tasted duck like these for the longest time. Had 1 and a half bowl of rice. I swear I've never eaten that much rice since my high school days. It was just crazy.

We waited for 45 minutes for the duck and roast pork, just because some idiot MCA men were eating at the same place. We came first and they got served first. WTF! By the time they left, our food has not arrived yet. Just because they're some bigshot...but SO WHAT!

Then we talked and talked and ate and suck the bones dry. We talked about relationships and how we should find boyfriends who would treat us nice and take care of us, instead of the other way around. Talking to a gay about this is just so nice. He's so understanding and he's just like my other girl friends. So nice and entertaining.

But I forgot how to get to that place. Shit. The duck is so nice and I'd like to have it again next month. So goooooood...

Then I came home and snoozed for a while before my jog. I intended to lose all that duck fat from my body. So I jogged for a full 30 minutes and did 36 sit-ups. And I told myself that dinner would just be 2 pieces of wholemeal bread and one fried egg. I was still full even after the jog.

Just when I thought I had my night all planned out, my dad came home and insisted that we have seafood for dinner. I surrendered. I had seafood but no rice. That was my only consolation for the night.

And now my dad is watching TV downstairs and I was supposed to be downstairs watching TV while doing some work. But I guess it's good to surrender and just go with the flow somehow. Now I'm typing this blog on my cosy bed and it feels good too :D

I need an adventure

2009-06-22T22:52:00.002+08:00

I seriously need an adventure...

Today, i felt like dying...oh my god, the boredom. Work was fine but i guess it's the fun element that was missing.

I was telling Ally that i need an adventure. And her art director partner was saying, "Go lar...reach home in 5 minutes. Drive 180km/h all the way." And i said, not that kind of adventure. I need a physical adventure. Then he kept quiet. He's just so cute and naive at the same time. Then Ally said, "That I can't help you."

Hahahaha...thinking about it just makes me smile.

Now, seriously, I need an ADVENTURE.

The weekend's over, something new starts

2009-06-21T22:41:00.003+08:00

It has been a nice and relaxing weekend. I didn't get to write anything at all, but i guess i deserve a good break. I'll start writing again next weekend :)

Been feeling a bit of void and it triggered some memories of my ex, not much though but it's bad enough. Ok let's not go there.

I think i'm gonna focus on writing a great long copy before the year's over and getting a pay raise and hopefully a better bonus this year.

In the meantime, i guess i'll just live life wild and passionately. Something good always come when i least expect it :)

A weekend just for me, but then again...

2009-06-20T22:28:00.002+08:00

It's not that satisfying when you don't have someone to share it with.

Well, i had a great Sat and i'm already blogging about it. Celebrated Father's Day in the afternoon and celebrated my parents' anniversary too. Killed 2 celebrations with one meal and with some members of my extended family. It was great.

Now, this is the time for me and me alone. It's nice and cosy to spend time with myself and just catch up on more rest time. But then, it's that void again that's bugging me.

Maybe that blind date that Rae is planning would be something new. Well, Rae, i think the first Sunday of July would be good. Let me know if you can make it. I'll appreciate it if you and sinchan would come along. I've not done this in a long time. If 2 years is considered long for you :)

I guess Munera is right. Sometimes it's the feeling that's going up and down and sometimes sideways (which is really bad when i just can't snap out of it soon enough). And it gets really worse when i'm about to menstruate. It's a really lousy feeling. But i just need to work on finding and getting THE one. I guess what happened last week when my ex called contributed to this lousy feeling....hhahaha...snap out of it Ong Sue Yin.

I really need to focus on manifesting prosperity now...

Hmmm...

2009-06-18T00:15:00.002+08:00

Seriously, sometimes i feel that i'm a total controller.

It's a good thing and it's also a bad thing. I seriously don't how to be softer. Is that why i find i'm still not in a relationship?

This is so puzzling. But seriously, i just don't know how to be one of those dependent women out there. I just don't know how to 'manja'. Yes i do when i'm in a relationship.

Where do i find guys who will like me for who i am?

Maybe i should just live life wild and passionately. Maybe that's one of the things that will keep me from wasting my time thinking about things like this.

Ok Ong Sue Yin, back to your lines....you need to write more for tmrw's review.

It was a crazy week, emotionally, physically & mentally

2009-06-17T22:51:00.003+08:00

Let's start with the emotions. On Monday, i went to Janet's mom's wake. It was nice to see Janet again, but in a wrong place. Nevertheless, her mom is in a better place now. She looked peaceful. And Janet looked like she cried countless buckets of tears. But no matter what happens, i still love Aunty Janet.

Then my ex was back to haunt me. The calls and stupid conversations that i should never have participated in the first place. (I'm so 'tai sei') I guess certain things didn't end well on the other end. On my end it was fine. I was doing fine. Now i hope i'm fine...I just need to get rid of whatever happened in the last few days and just continue my life like it didn't happened in the first place. I'm just waiting for another sincere and committed life partner to sweep me off my feet, once again. Oh God I hope the Universe sends someone better this time. I don't think i can settle for second best. Kinda tired of all these failed relationships.

And work was killing me. With two writers down, I was the only writer left for 3 campaigns which was due on Wednesday. Thank god my boss helped me. Otherwise, i'd be dead by now. And thank god there was another art director to help execute one of the campaigns...Seriously i thank god for lending a helping hand. I didn't know how it happened but it happened real fast and just when i needed the most. And thank you jeremy for helping out even though you were at a shoot for Tech Challenge.

I swear i was never this busy, swamped and emotionally drained before. It was an eventful week.

I guess it's the Universe's way of telling me that when i just do it, and don't think of anything else, anything can happen. (the ex part i just don't know how it fits, but it was SO WRONG)

Life goes on. And i'm gonna live life wild and passionately. Good nite world. Now i need to take another stab at some copy for greeting cards :)

Thank You Susan Boyle

2009-06-07T02:07:00.002+08:00

Susan Boyle is perhaps one of the most amazing women the world has come to know.

She is the perfect example of how the human spirit is able to rise above all else. She knows the power of a dream that could set her free one day. She has shown the world that nothing is impossible. And most of all, she is not afraid of being her.

She is one in a million and she knows that. And it takes a lot to even be aware of self-acknowledgement.

Thank you Susan, for your courage.
Thank you Susan, for your dreams.
Thank you Susan, for your confidence.
Thank you Susan, for showing the world that it's absolutely alright to be yourself, because it's the best place to be.

We love you, Susan Boyle.

Complaint-free day

2009-06-04T23:18:00.002+08:00

I was glad that i devoted myself to a complaint-free day. Hope this lasts.

But what pissed me off was my pounding headache. I think it's the office's air-conditioning. This week, it's my turn with the mystery headache. A couple of weeks before, it was the other 2 writers encounter with the similar headache. Someone should sue the damn client for a lousy ventilation system.

But maybe it could be the work stress. I really don't know.

I had meetings after meetings, briefings after briefings, last minute shit, and not once i snapped. It was a micracle. A miracle i could only hope that will last for as long as i live.

Work poured in and i just took it on like i knew it would finish quickly if i just concentrate. So that was what i did for the whole day. But the headache was killing me. So i went back and here i am, typing this stuff out.

The day was fine and i'm glad it went that way. Tmrw's Friday and i can't wait to have a chilling weekend and continue with my writing peacefully.

So today i learnt that it's good to just stay away from whiny people and channel all your energy and focus onto something worth doing.

Keeping your head above the water

2009-06-04T00:18:00.003+08:00

I was struggling during a brainstorm today and i can't believe that it's happening. Then i started to realise that it's the energy i exude. So i tried my best to not explode and just keep happy thoughts close to my heart. It works and i must say, it's the hardest struggle ever.

Then i thought maybe i just need a beer. So i got myself a beer and my friend, Ally, got one for herself too. We drank and talked about things. It felt good even though there were so many stuff to deal with. It was the company that i enjoyed the most.

Then i thought about having a real adventure. Then Ally told me to find someone then have the adventure. Then it hit me. Maybe i do need to find someone to have that adventure with.

But then again, it's hard to find that someone these days. I don't think i'll settle for anything less.

But whatever it is, i was doing everything i could to not slip into one of those lousy moods. It works well for now. It's not easy but i have to find a way to keep that up.

Maybe i need another Embershoppe lesson. It's a good way to keep my energy up.

But here's what i've been doing the past few days. I've been making a list of things to have, do and be. And i've slipped it under my pillow. I'll read it before i sleep every night. I've been doing it for the past 3 days. Though i can't see the results yet, but i have a feeling that it gives me the energy to pursue another day without complaining too much. And when i look at the list everytime, it gives me a clear picture of what i really want in life.

It's a good start. And i think this list is what keeps my head above the water and soon out of the water.

Good energy

2009-06-02T01:00:00.002+08:00

I've been having so much stress and tension at work lately. And it doesn't help that when you go home, you have a mom that complains constantly about an irresponsible dad who thinks his girlfriend is the only person in his life. And my weekends are spent either on writing or staying away from a 'noisy' home.

I need space and i need all of it to regain my sanity.

I thought that getting back my love life would make things easier but when i think about it, it won't if i do. So i think it'll all come to me when i finally see things differently.

I really need to emanate a different kind of energy. I was reading some article about bad energy attracting more bad energy. And i think it all boils down to the secret law of the universe, which is a secret to those who don't believe in it and those who don't practice it.

I'm gonna produce more good energy and i'm gonna leave it to the universe.

Embershoppe taught me how to live

2009-05-29T00:34:00.006+08:00

Had a few nice evening outs with a friend of mine, Munera. Embershoppe will always be our choice, though the chinese cafe nextdoor would have singers butchering nice melodic songs. Too bad uncle's speakers can't go any louder. It gets really frustrating when you just want to have a nice conversation over coffee or beer, and just talk about stuff.

While we got to talking, it hit me that life is what you make of it. Really, it makes a lot of sense to really look at it in a different view. I've tried looking at it when i think i'm ok, or when i think i'm matured enough to handle life. But really, a few nights ago, it was different. And it's the kind of difference you know that it's the one. Suddenly everything seems possible. For better or for worse, i really don't care anymore. All i know is, the more i care about stuff, the more i'm gonna lose the meaning of loving and living life to the fullest. Yeah, sure, this may seem a little too cliche, but seriously what are we really avoiding?

Half the time, we try to lead a perfect life, we try to create a perfect environment, and we try to change the world. But at the end of the day, any idiot knows that we don't have that kind of time to do all that. And to think of it in another way, we actually have all the time in the world for ourselves. It hit me again, that life is not life anymore. Life is suddenly about who's earning the most, who's got the best looks, who's the luckiest in life, yada yada yada. Whatever lar huh.

The point is, we just need to know what we really want in life so we'll not miss anything in life. Because half the time, we're living our lives for others. And there's a fine line between service and fulfillment. We get these two mixed up rather easily.

Whatever, whatever, problem solver.

2009-05-17T17:04:00.003+08:00

Been struggling to write for the past few days. Maybe it's because of some personal issues that i've been trying to solve.

Whatever it is, or however severe it is, i should really just get to the bottom of it.

Take a tumble, but get up harder

2009-05-15T01:37:00.004+08:00

It took almost half a year to get half of my senses right. It took only 2 minutes to really feel how good that feels like. And it'll take forever to appreciate life every little step of the way.

Maybe that's the problem with everyone, especially me. Half the time we're looking for something good, something radiant and shiny at the end of the tunnel. More often than not, we'll end up being disappointed. Sadly, I've not learnt what Aunty Janet taught me, which is to come from no expectations. It's hard when everything we do these days are result-oriented.

Maybe in life, to be successful in anything at all, is not in never falling, but in getting up 10 times harder after each fall.

It's the falling that's easy, but getting up is all about stamina.

Maybe I need to work more on the 'getting up' part in my work and personal life.

Yeah, i think that's it.

Sang Kancil Time

2009-05-13T00:11:00.003+08:00

It feels like it's been awhile since i last posted something but actually it's not that long ago...damn! time passes real fast and slow at the same time.

Anyway, been busy on some ideation and stuff...and also envying those interactive guys who keep winning interactive awards. Feel so motivated to do something great on the web but it feels like a struggle sometimes...sigh! Need to pump in more energy into this...Thank god i've got a sakai art director who seems to know how i feel about things like these. We share the same sentiments :D

You know what...nothing is impossible at this point. Fuck sleep, fuck food. I can do this. Sang Kancil is back, better than ever!

Another long weekend

2009-03-08T23:07:00.003+08:00

It's been awhile now since i blogged. Been talking to Piglet about things and wishing and praying with him every night before i go to sleep.

Other than that, i've been busy finishing my work in the office and thinking of ideas for award submissions. Had some stuff to keep me busy at work but i'm not tired enough when i get back. Had trouble sleeping lately and it sucks like fuck. Can't believe it that when i'm so busy, i still can't sleep properly. Thought that i'd crash every night after a hectic day.

Kinda sucks to wake up in the middle of the night, almost every night thinking that it's gonna be the same day every day (-_-)

Been thinking of getting back on track with dating other people and stuff like that after the break-up last year but i guess Munera is right. I just need to be patient and let the Universe do its job. I guess for now, i'll just need to focus on myself and getting my life back on track and make sure that everything is good and that my family is doing good. Hopefully my dad's case is alright so that we'll not suffer.

But anyway, i just want to win some awards this year, even Kancil will do, if i can't get my hands on the big ones. And of course getting my love life back.

Well to all those who thinks that this is a bad year, it'll only gets worse when you start thinking that it is. Economy might be bad but life still goes on. Some say money makes the world go round, but i say love makes the world go round. Love in any kind of way. Be it family, friends or lovers' kinda of love, it still makes the world go round.

Well, I'm off to finish my work now on a Sunday coz next week is gonna be hell in the office with workload that's gonna set everyone into a factory mode. Great ideas, here i come!!!

The New Year, Chinese version

2009-01-26T19:34:00.003+08:00

It's the same kind of routine every year. First day Klang, second day PJ (-_-)

And i cant believe this but i actually find transcribing more fun (-_-)

Read some horoscope in the papers today and i think they're a bunch of bullshit...hahaha... pun... RM4237.16 (-_-)

My aunts came and visit my grandma and they left with a weird odour (-_-)

But i think i'll take the offer my boss proposed. I think it's worth a shot and it's something that i wanted to do even if i ever set up my own company. I dunno bout the pay but i do hope it's worth the time and effort that i'm gonna put in.

And i just don't want to be alone anymore this year. So piglet, make sure you tell the universe what to do ok :)

It's not gonna be a bullshit year if you don't treat it like one i suppose...hahaha....pun again...RM4769.18 :D

Another year to pull through

2009-01-14T10:25:00.002+08:00

CNY is around the corner and my dad's case is nearing. Kinda happy that his stupid girlfriend is no longer with him but i have a feeling that they'll be together again and we'll be so pissed. My mom's savings is depleting and hopefully my dad's sentence won't be that bad. I have a feeling that the fine is enough to kill us already and also the steep lawyer's fees.

Just hope that everything will turn out right.

Going for a minor operation tomorrow. Feel kinda lazy to do this operation and i'm just damn impatient with the healing part. So much to do and it's my right hand that will be immobile for the next few days. Kinda sucks.

I'm not sure whether it's good news or bad news, but my boss just offered me a position to head the agency's newly created interactive department. Of course there'll be some compensation. I'm just worried if i can't cope with the workload. And i'm accountable for the projects that are coming in. And now i'm scratching my head to find the best programmer and multimedia designer. Hope i can find one before April...yikes :@

Well, i plan to do something different this year and i think this will do. Anyway i have 2 more weeks to think about it.

Until then, hope everyone will have a great CNY.

Feel like crap, wanna die for a while

2009-01-06T18:43:00.002+08:00

Today, after so many days of not smoking i feel like crap. Headache and sore throat and don't know what's causing my brain to ache and my lungs to cough like mad. Maybe it's the sick season or the withdrawal symptoms of not smoking.

I dunno...i just want to die in bed for a while...

Hopes that the Universe does its job

2009-01-05T15:35:00.003+08:00

It's a new year and they say that just do your best and enjoy yourself and you'll be alright in everything that you ever wanted.

First, i want a good pay at the end of the year. Hopefully my dad's case will be solved by this year. And of course a relationship before the year ends. I'm tired to being alone since the last one didn't really happen even it was the right person but it just didn't work both ways. Just too bad i guess.

Here's to a good year!

Talking to Piglet helps sometimes

2009-01-02T20:14:00.002+08:00

Only this year i found out that talking to stuffed animals help. I was talking to piglet about work and friends and getting into a relationship. And it's kinda cute and funny how his expression is (though it's a fixed one) when i talk to him about things that happened during the day, or even talking about things that i'm unhappy about.

But that's fine. I just like talking to him at night nowadays. I love you Piglet.

New Year, New Life, Hopefully

2009-01-01T15:32:00.002+08:00

A year has passed and many good and bad things happened along the way.

But nonetheless, it's a lesson to be learned. I learned that sometimes talking to your stuffed toy is not too bad after all.
I bought Piglet from Tokyo and ever since, i've started talking to him and it feels kinda nice. Told him things that i usually don't tell anyone every night before i go to bed. But it's kinda sad that i spent new year's eve at home. I didn't have the mood to go out and party. And i was feeling a little bit under the weather too. So i stayed at home and watched TV. This year's new year's eve i wanna go somewhere nice to party.

And i can't wait to go to Sarawak actually. See the other side of Malaysia and explore nature at its best with a bunch of my good friends. And i've decided not to climb Mt Kinabalu as it's kinda costly compared to last year's price.

And with the universe doing its job, and when everything goes well, i wish i can find the love of my life. Someone who is more stable, loving and sincere.

Maybe i should try one of those online dating thing, but kinda skeptical too. Haih...nvm...i think i'll let the universe do its job, just like Munera said.

Life's beautiful and i think it's no harm saying thank you to the universe for making it interesting and meaningful.

Thanks Universe.

An interesting day

2008-12-29T16:42:00.002+08:00

On Saturday, client turned friends, Rachel and Anna, were the most craziest and the silliest people i've ever met. We were supposed to take 2 japanese guys around town with Rachel's friend, Daryll, who was kind enough to drive us around in his MPV.

In the morning, we took the japs for mamak and this particular jap guy, Ima-san, loves Teh Ais. He ordered 3 glasses and finished them. Yamada-san loves Roti Pisang and finished it too. Rachel, Anna and I were just eating our Roti Telur and thinking of how to get to Genting because we had to wait for Daryll, who was late.

And on our way up, Daryll's car got overheated and it stalled. We were towed up to the Skyway and took the cable car from there. We wanted to go to the Themepark, but it was too misty outside. So we hanged around in the casino. The 2 japs, Daryll and my colleague, Tanabe-san, gambled while the girls waited out in the cafeteria, stoning away. We were just too damn tired and stoned.

We then went back to KL and Daryll's car got overheated again. And we were towed to Rachel's house to get my car and her car so we could have dinner at Lala Chong. We reached the restaurant at 10pm and i was not that hungry anymore. But we enjoyed ourselves that night. We apologised to the japs about the overheated car and told them that it was not part of the plan...hehehe!!! They were cool with it. While we were waiting for the truck we saw a few fire flies and the japs were excited about it. I was excited too and so were the rest of the them. I wanted to SMS lil sunshine about the fireflies because i was excited, but decided not to.

After dinner we went to Souled Out for drinks and joked around. I had 3 glasses of Guinness mixed with Tiger beer. The taste was nice and it was my first time drinking it. Rachel had Tequila Sunrise and Anna had Lychee Lemon Martini. We went home at around 2am. It was a tiring day but we had fun along the way.

It was an unforgettable experience and it was interesting how a series of event made the whole journey fun. And this is my first time taking foreigners out to explore KL and i think i did a pretty good job at it. And so did the rest of them. Thanks to Daryll for his patience and his silliness which kept us all entertained. And also Rachel and Anna who were so sampat all the way.

Just another holiday week

2008-12-25T18:21:00.002+08:00

Well the year ended pretty quickly and this year's christmas is kinda boring. No trips this year for christmas, just a dinner gathering at mimi's place. But it was fun i would say. Had the usual christmas exchange and it was funny. I got a stress buster bat from mimi and i think i'll use to whack people in the office.

My agency's christmas dinner was quite ok. Can't believe when out VP, Tamura, played musical chair with us. It was hilarious. Everyone had fun and the food was not too bad, though we can't really see what we ate. But it's ok, no one had diarrhoea.

But i think it's a good way to kill the boring holiday week with Rachel and Anna and a bunch of Japs this coming weekend. Hopefully the japs like the places that we'll take them to.

After this weekend, it'll be quite a busy year for me as clients are looking at launching their products in the first quarter of the year. And i really want to win an award next year. Maybe if it's ok with Dentsu Inc, i'll want to get transferred to other Dentsu office overseas. Maybe Dentsu in Europe would be something to start with. But before that i gotta prove myself and win something next year. And not to mention, i'll need to quit smoking next year. It's good that i cut down really a lot. I'm kinda proud of myself actually :D

To all, happy new year.

Grateful for those who have happiness in their lives

2008-10-29T18:28:00.002+08:00

It's been long since i've heard good news about my friends and colleagues' life.

My colleague turned good friend just got engaged last weekend and i'm really happy for her. And today, my art director just told me that his wife is 2 and a half months pregnant.

These people have been looking for this kind of happiness for almost a year and finally they got it. I'm really happy for them, although i can't really imagine how happy it was for them, but the energy was contagious enough to pull me into their happiness.

I guess what the universe told me is true enough, true to the fact that I don't have to worry about the how, i just have to want it bad enough. Which i have wished for every single night.

Right now at this point, i just want to have and to hold the love of my life which i have yet to find. I'll be forever grateful that somehow, that special someone will turn up in my life soon enough. Then life would be complete for me.

In the meantime, I just want to congratulate those who have found their lifetime happiness. No matter how big or small their happiness is, i feel grateful and thankful for them for having it in their life.

True love knows no bound

2008-10-04T15:20:00.003+08:00

Well it's been long since i posted anything. One month of heartbreak moments and tonnes of work. Plus, a little negotiation with my boss about my pay so i could stay on with the agency...it was all good, but relationship has been fucking lousy. A break up after an island holiday and moments of sadness and crying nights. But thank god it's not that often anymore. Been learning to let go and it's been hard. Read Tolle's book and it helped a bit. I just have to put it to practice. Well what he said is true - remembering the past is just merely energising it. I've been trying to stay present and not remember any of my past. Trying to live the present moment. Take in all the beautiful Now and letting go of the past.

Some people just don't deserve love the way it should be. I learned that if you want to find true love, first you have to love yourself. And every night i have been telling the universe to bless me with a person that will be my life companion. It might be too superficial for some, but i've been told that it works if you have the will power to carry on loving yourself. It's hard when you've been in an intimate relationship and then it didn't work because they feel it's politically incorrect, or let me put it this way, they think it's against the norm. So they have become UNWILLING to commit to true love just because it's wrong to society. Well i think i may be too open-minded. But hey that's how the world works now.

So anyway, it's their loss. I'm just gonna live my life and if it's God's will to present to me my companion for life, i'll cherish that person. I guess there's no wrong or right way to love a person. It's just how you spend your life with them that matters. Loving them in whatever way or situation, and we'll come to realise that true love is all that matters. Not the behaviour, gender, personality or outlook.

My bygoing, is slowly turning into a bygone.

Love

2008-08-28T12:20:00.001+08:00

If I love someone so much, and I want them to be happy, I have to let them go. They'll be happier with someone else.

Another day

2008-08-15T12:31:00.002+08:00

When things seem amiss to me, i'd just sit back and think about it. Sometimes, i'd tell myself that it'll pass like a storm that hits the prairie and then disappears into evaporated droplets. And it kinda works when you think about it that way.

I've been slabbed with many shit these few weeks. It feels shitty but that's part and parcel of life. Thank god i get to hang out with some friends that lighten up my days. Sometimes a little bit of company helps. And sometimes sitting at home and just watching the tube is fine too, but not for too long.

I've been thinking about how to really put my career up to speed. It's so hard when you have to think about the things that you have to take care of. And frankly, i hate working like a mad dog again. It's nice to chill on some days at work, but then again it's not healthy for my brains. My agency is really going down in terms of business. Jobs that come in are not profitable at all. All the bosses are not doing much except for one in particular. I just need to move on to another company and the worst part is, my parents haven't found out about my resignation. Hahahahahaha...i'm such a rascal.....

I'm glad to know that some people have found the true meaning of commitment and responsibility. That'll teach them to be more serious about surviving in the world. But more importantly, being committed and responsible to the feelings of their loved ones. When i say committed and responsible, it applies to every single aspect. Not just work and managing an establishment, or managing other ppl's lives. It goes beyond that. But then again, some people will learn slower or they'll learn when they lose what they claim to be important to them.

Well it takes all kind of people to make the world go round.

I'm going back to 95% today and tomorrow to facilitate. It'll be a long day tomorrow but i think it'll be filled with meaningful experiences. For now, i just need to get my mind open and prepared for the training. Can't wait to see Janet again.

I've got to make sure that my car is properly serviced for my trip next week, and get my tyres aligned. I'm sure my tyre alignment will scare the shit out of the tyre guy....hahahaha!!!!

Good luck to me in surviving in this fucked up and sometimes not so fucked up world...YEEEEHAAAAW!!!

Lost & Alone Again.

2008-07-20T15:09:00.004+08:00

This is perhaps one of the most devastating down moments i had in my 25 years of life.

Everything went wrong, and it was downhill ever since my 24th birthday. My 25th birthday just passed and it seems that nothing much changed for the better. Everyday was the same and i'm really sick and tired of it. On my 25th birthday, i felt so depressed and it was my first depressing birthday.

Now it's back to my 'alone' days. Well, i just need to adjust myself again. I sort of forgot how i did it last time. But i think i will know how to do it again, soon.

Now, i'm facing financial and family problems. And a whole bunch of other unnecessary shit. I just resigned and now i'm struggling to earn more income. I need to find a fixed income other than my day job. At least that would secure my financials for another 2 years, before my mom cashes out her retirement fund.

I took my mom and bro for tarot card reading and it didn't look too good when it comes to my current family situation. And i know that we have to pull through no matter what it takes. And if my dad goes to jail, we're in deep shit.

I went for the tarot card reading too...and Jackie, the reader, told me that i'll need to go through a series of roller-coaster rides in these couple of years.

And here i am, now, alone again. Like i was before.

But i know i will not settle for any less next time.

As for my family problems, i just need to be really, really, really tough about it. Just have to be really, really strong again.

It's back to the old me again.

Sometime this week...

2008-05-09T21:34:00.002+08:00

Sometime this week, i'll have to find the things that make me feel passionate again. And sometime this week, I have to finish my radio script. I spent the whole day today, working on it and it got rejected for more than 3 times.

Sometime this week, i need to make sure that i'm really sure about the things in my life. Some time this week i have to be sure that i know what i want out of my life. And sometime this week, i need to really understand that time is just a concept.

Sometime this week, is Mother's Day. Sometime this week, is Pangea Day. And sometime this week the world will unite.

Sometime this week, i'll know if life will take an unexpected turn. Sometime this week, i'll need to look at my portfolio again. So sometime this week, i need to make a lot of planning. But sometime this week, is a busy week for me.

Sometime this week, i'll have to be organised. Sometime this week, i'll just stay focused. And sometime this week, i'll finish what needs to be finished this week.

When something unexpected happens, just accept what is and move on

2008-05-08T22:32:00.003+08:00

Today, i'm actually quite surprised by my behaviour after coming out of a hostile meeting. Maybe Tolle's teaching finally made a significant change in my behaviour.

For once i experienced total consciousness. For once i kept my consciousness alive in a messy situation. And for once i know that the key to happiness is just being present at the moment, whatever that moment may be.

I've stopped harbouring thoughts of contempt and resentment after every ugly incident. I simply couldn't care less about how it was going to affect me. All i can think about is to live the moment and nothing can go wrong if you focus on the now. The power of now is infinite.

I have a strong feeling that by exercising the power of now, i no longer think about my troubled past or be wearied about what the future holds for me.

And i've learned that some people are not true to themselves. Most of them are so caught up in a pretense just so they could look prettier or happier. In actuality, that's not who they are. They must be suffering tremendously inside.

When i randomly started this blog yesterday, instantly i typed in the phrase 'Be no one, but yourself'. I have no idea what made me type that out, but it came out straight from my heart. And i've learned that we must never ever ignore the voice in our heart. Then went home and felt like flipping one of my books randomly. And what came out was this, "Be yourself. Not who you're supposed to be, but who you want to be. Not their way, but your way. And everything else will take care of itself".

And i told myself that the best way to remain happy in any circumstances is to not feed ego or attention to negative feelings. It'll only magnify it and it likes that. I learned to do that nowadays. We all want to be certain of our lives, we all want to feel that someone needs us, someone loves us. We all want to be loved. But that's all taking everything in and not giving it out. Eve Ensler, the playwright writer of Vagina Monologues, once said, 'Happiness is giving away what you want most'. She couldn't have put it any better.

So i guess this is a good start for me to look at things really, really differently. With this in mind, i'm positive that i can live my goals and vision. Sure, things are a bit shaky but i'm pretty sure that it just needs a bit more fine-tuning and i'll be fine.

I'm never gonna look back to my past and not too far in the future. I'm just gonna live the now, because that's the best moment to be in.

Pangea Day. Happening on May 11th.

2008-05-07T20:51:00.004+08:00

Ok i figured that i'm stuck with dumb taglines...well not exactly stuck, just not in a mood to do it.

Anyhoo...I feel like talking about Pangea Day.

About a week ago, i found out about Pangea Day through one of those web banner adv. Curious to find out about this Pangea Day, i clicked on the banner and it directed me to the microsite. And i read about the purpose of this event and quickly, thoughts about my LP experience came streaming into my mind. There was this thing that i've always wanted to do after the LP journey, and that is to create a day in which the world would come together and experience peace and understanding.

Then i thought, wow, this is great. Here i am reading about this Pangea Day and instantly, i felt all excited about it. So i scanned through the website and read about the creator of this world-changing event. Her name is Jehane Noujaim (i can't pronounce her name at all). She's an American-Egyptian. She's a filmmaker and photographer. And i'm surprised to know that she won the TED prize. Her idea was to unite the world for one day through the power of film. That day shall be called Pangea Day. So i watched her 30-minute talk on TED.com and i felt a sense of joy. It was all because she's doing what i've wanted to do for the longest time. She spoke with much conviction and enthusiasm. I was totally enthused by her speech.

And so i quickly gathered my colleagues in front of the computer and forced them to watch the video. In the exact same moment, they felt inspired and it made them want to find out more about Pangea Day. And guess what, i was thrilled to know that the screening will be aired live on Astro. Well, you know how slow is our internet connection. Imagine if i were to watch the film on the website for 4 hours, i'd probably curse like hell in the wee hours of the morning.

And another surprising thing happened just two days back. I received an sms from a friend and she asked me if i wanted to help her organise a private screening at Asiaworks. Instantly i replied yes and asked what can i do.

Both of us blasted out as many emails, sms, facebook invitations and whatever not just so we could get as many people to the screening. Sadly many chose sleep over a screening that could change how the world thinks. I guess people will never learn. Well i feel that since there's not going to be many people at the private screening, we should just call it off and just raise the Pangea Day awareness. And since majority of the population has Astro, all i can do now is tell them that if they care enough about the world, do the world a favour. Just switch on your TV.

I'm just looking forward to the weekend so i can watch it with my friends and perhaps one of my friends brother. Haven't been seeing him for quite a some time now.

Well, Jehane Noujaim, I'm really, really thrilled and excited about Pangea Day. You go girl!

Make the world a better place with your vision for peace and love.

My third blog. I shut down the first one, and the second one is...well...i dunno where it is.

2008-05-07T20:07:00.000+08:00

It's that time of the day when i just feel so pissed of and decided to blog...

You know life is hell but when you learn how to make funny little jokes out of it, it's actually pretty cool.

Me and a few of my colleagues went down for a quick bite at the mamak. We laughed and shared stupid jokes about clients. My God those guys are funny as hell.

Ok i know it's a random thing to do to just start my third blog after a mamak session. But randomness is the only thing that's keeping me alive in this stupid job. Always not knowing what to do next and what to expect is the best thing ever. It's one of those ways for me to break from my routine. Hence this third blog...hehehe!!

Anyway since my dear beloved friend recently found out how to link other blogger from her blog, she asked where's mine. So i decided to create one and let her link it to hers.

Here's a new word we've been using in the office for the past week. 'Totox'. It's actually vagina in Kadazan language. Yup, my dumbass colleague was using this word for the longest time and he doesn't know what does it mean. Until one day, he looked up in the internet dictionary and was surprised to find out its meaning....hahahahah...what an idiot!

I'm going off now...gonna continue my stupid tagline.

Ciao!!